?

Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Old diary entries

So, I used to keep Diaries constantly when I was about 12 or 13.  Here're a couple entries, randomly selected.  

 February 4th, 2009
Dear Kitty,
Nope, not preggers.  Or at least, that's what the copious amount of blood seeping out of my vaginal area and horrible cramps tell me.  x]
Daniel and I are trying to figure out what we're doing to celebrate valentine's day, seeing as he and I are going to be about 50 miles apart (at least) on Valentine's Day.  Probably Mongolian Bbq.

I'm really scared of mom reading my convo's with Daniel.  Of her finding my stash of lesbian porn and realizing I'm bi.
Of her finding my 3 camwhore pix.
Of her realizing what a fuck-up I am.

I mean, I am trying to fix myself up.  I'm not smoking pot anymore (Nope!  I'm not!), I'm not ever going to sneak out to hang out with Daniel again (too goddamn risky), I'm never going to put up semi-nudes on the internet again, and in general stop being such a fuck-up.

I'm 14 and I'm already fucking up my life.
God.
Fucking.
Damn.
It.

Ah, it's all my fault anyways.  I only learn from mistakes.  But I've learned a lot.  I'm going to stop sneaking out, as my grades are dropping.  I need sleep.
Pot?  No.  Just, no.  Never again.
Internet?  I'll pass.

I'm really changing... and I like it. ^_^


I need to beat the impossible quiz!
Grrr!

What did I do at teaism today?
I:
Worked in preparing/chopping vegetables (red peppers, squash, cabbage) for cooking
I had a free breakfast of a scone and Chai (so good!!!)
I refilled the store's tea supply
I peeled some taters
I worked in the shop a little, putting teaism stickers on bags.
I worked at teh cash register for about 30 minutes, until there were so many people piled up I was shoo'd away.
I folded letters in the office (Linda's labrador is so cute and friendly!) and put $1094 in the letters depending on who gets a tip.
It was cool.  They trusted me with money and a big knife today.  Wow.  No one ever does that. (For a good reason?)
I took a lunch break at 2:30.  I had a veggie burger on naan bread, pretty good.
I hung out at teh store
Then I hung out at the cash register -- I'm really getting the hang of it!  Wow.
MOm picked me up
Took the metro home
I got up the right stairs but I took the wrong turn...
I finally got to the right exit and when home.

Then I went fencing!  I was dead tired so it wasn't much fun.
I guess I'm just consigning myself to the fate of mom's gonna find everything out and I'mma die.
I might, er well, I'll probably at least attempt suicide.  v_v

I really don't want too though.

I'm babysitting next weekend. =O Money!
Speaking of, I have $140 saved up for Katsucon!  And Mom and dad are giving me money for getting an A+ in algebra, so I'll have about $190.  Plus the ten mom gave me that I'm going to save, $200.   And with what I'm going to earn from babysitting?  At least $250.
Boo lakasha.

I might pilfer money from Mom's wallet again.  I do that on occasion.  Well, okay, just an extra $20 once. >;[

Haha.

Y'know, I've been reading my diaries, and am I really that shallow?  Wow.

I have a bunch of old pics of me right on my wicker shelf.  I was a strange looking child.  xD

Well, I should get to sleep... Bye!

Love,
Kat


March 4, 06
Hi!  I'm Katie W, born November 21st, 1994.  I'm 11 years old, and in the 6th grade.  I'm an average student, getting 2 C's, 2 B's, and 3 A's.  I have an older brother, David, a really awesome nanny, Jodie, and Mom and Dad.  I have a dog, 3 parakeets, 1 toad, and 1 gray cockatiel.  My (to-be) boyfriend is David (I asked him to a dance, that in the end he didn't go to, and he said yes).  The reason he didn't go is that he was a little embarassed.  I'm gonna ask him to the next dance, when it comes.  By the way, if you're not from 2106 when you're reading this (or when I'm still alive), hands off.  I have a rep, and I'll keep it up.  I don't care if I'm 90, hands OFF.
It all started in summer 2005, at a dive meet.  David goes to my school and is a classmate, and a team member invited him to come.  It was the first meet, and I, against my will, was an expedition diver, meaning my points wouldn't be added to my team's score.  I got really pissed, and started crying.  He was really kind one.  Okay that last sentence made no sense:  he was the only really kind person.  Okay, he's a math WIZARD.  and really (in my eyes) cool.  I colored my toe.  I'm getting bored.  Bye!

4/14/07
Dear Kitty,
Holas!  I just earned $25!  25 buckerunies!  Lol.  I was babysitting.  Being paid to eat food, read, and have fun.  Yay!  I babysit for a couple across the street who have 2 young daughters I'm friends with.  I'm donating the $ to Walter Reed Medical Hospital (It's for a school project, the hospital is where most soldiers go in the Iraq War go and it's in horrible condition).  While I was there, I read TTFN, which stands for tata for now!  It's the second book in a trilogy, and very good.  It's written entirely in IM form.  Bazooka.  I coined that term!  Like the gum and weapon.  It means "cool."  The book was about the lives of 3 friends.  They're highschoolers, and it was really bazooka.  One girl was turned, temporarily, into a stoner, one into her bf's whore (she's still a virgin) and the other moved from GA to CA then ran away and came back.  The girl w/ the bf she loved made me sooo jealous!!!  I want a bf I can hold, who can hold me, that I can kiss, and can kiss me.
Fortunately [Or as I spelled it in this book, fortanitly], the dance is coming up on the 27th!!!  I can't freaking wait!!!  Anna Rose, my bff, said she might invite Brandon, who last year went to St. Andrew's, and who is a really good singer... but sings like Kelly Clarkson, a famous female singer.  I sorta like him... he's pretty cool.  Who knows, maybe we'll dance.  Will bight not be there.  Kitty, KI don't think you understand how much being loved by someone outside my family (and a boy) means to me.  All of my friends have.  Not me.  Meh.  I just want a physical person to love.  There's a school art thing.  I'm gonna make a painting for.  I have a soccer match.  It's nearly 1 am.  Adios!
Katie
Ps.  I Have a feeling NIck reads this... Nick, if you do, be VERY prepared and afraid of a thoroughly pissed off me.


Saturday, November 24th, 2007
Dear Karl,
Did I ever mention that (name blotted out) has two books about me?  Like, diary/journal things.  =\ Probably with good and bad stuff in it.  (Blotted out) and I have gotten into many fights.  Especially one where he said he wanted me dead. ><  I still have that email.  Demented... It reminds me of how much I want him to stay alive and stay happy.  I was miserable for a week after getting it.  Still am. Very sad about it.  (See Pink diary).
Well, today was alright.  Woke up around 7 after having a really weird dream.  Woke up after apes/monkeys attacked my ear.  Spent two hours in a dreamlike state where I couldn't tell dream from reality.  Dreampt a lot about (blotted out) though.  Think I talked to (blotted out) and Alee.  I have no idea. xD
Went online for a while.  (Blotted out) and I talked a bit.  Not mucho. :P
Then I went off to fencing!!!!!!!!!!!  Woot!  I tried eppe fencing.  Really fun.  Kicked arse. :D  It was realy fun.  :)  Lol I tried new equipment and came out and I was like "okay what am I wearing wrong." Lol.  xD  I need new socks. :P  Srsly.  Not random.
After I came home, I didn't really talk 2 anyone.  I twas boooored.  Then Mom took me out.  We ate at Bistro 123 (I had a crabcake sammich, she had some damned good risotto) then went out and got some gifts for Annar's Bot Miztvah.  I got her a really expensive leatherbound journal ($62!!!!)  and a really cute little papier mache turtle box.  Really cute.
Then we saw August Rush.  It's a movie about a kid re-named August Rush who's a complete child prodigy and is trying to find his parents.  He's the result of a one-night stand between a cellist and a guitar/vocalist.  Really inspired me.  ^_^
Well, when we came back it was almost 11 pm.  (Blotted out) and I talked for a while, until 15 past 11.  At around 11:05 I was like "I had to go 5 minutes ago.  Should I care?" at the same time (blotted out) was like "Weren't you supposed to go 5 min ago?"  and then I was like "What, you WANT me to go?"  And he was all like "NOOO!  >Cling<"  :D  Roffles. 
We also got into a debate about the age-old question:  "If a tree falls in the woods and nobody's around to hear it, does it make a sound?"  My stance was "no."  I made his brain explode. xD
We both <3 our science teachers.  Mr. James is my idol.
(Blotted Out) also said he can't sleep after we've talked.  I was like, "Yea, same here.  once I talked with me and I couldn't fall asleep because I was wondering about if I was crazy or not."  And somehow that led into our debate (see above). 
Well, it's late.  Bye!
<3, Katie


Okay most emo entry ever, I am obligated to post it.

14/02/08
Karl~~
I hate life.  I hate it so much.  I literally had the belt around my neck.  I pulled, but not for long enough.  This might be the last entry I ever make.
Wouldn't it be so nice to die?  No worries, no stress, just laying there, no thoughts, no grades, no parents, no stupid teachers, no ADD meds... all so calm, so peaceful.  What a wonderful experience it would be to die.  I could come back as a ghost and meet (blotted out) or haunt random people.  I could go up to heaven, or take over hell.  I could be reincarnated, but hopefully as an animal.  I hate being human.
What happened to put me into such a wonderfully depressing state?
Well, Mom tried to force me to go to a French review, for a test today -- at eight in the morning.  Then I had an off-day for drawing the project in English, but I got a bit of chocolate from my "friend," Melanie.  French test.
Then, I was picked up early from School to go home and look at Burke.  My laptop was gone -- for not doing the french review (If he can't teach it to us in 2 months, can he really teach it to us in 30 minutes?), mom has confiscated my computer rights till Saturday.
Meaning I miss Valentine's day with (blotted out).
I was venting to Jodie, who got pissed at me for cursing every other word and yelling my ass off.  Lost (temporarily) my computer rights for 2 weeks.  Pulled away when Jodie tried to touch me, she slammed the door in my face.  I bike ride down to the creek and sit in a little niche and just relax and think about it all.  I get late for Dr. Jasnow's and ride home.  Jodie intercepts me on the way there.  She runs me off the road.  Delays me, then I ride home and go to Dr. Jasnow's really late.  We're now doing sessions every week, and lowering my a/d/d med prescription. 
That is, if I can survive.  There's no chance for me to get my laptop back till Sat.
What if (blotted out) takes this as a sign I don't want him any more?  Oh God, I want him with all my heart and soul... of which I have neither, but that's besides the point.  Dad dragged me upstairs after I spun the herb wheel around and everything went flyinng.  I'ma just gain 200 lbs to stop him from doing that.  -_- Or kill myself.
I'd prefer being dead to being fat.
I want to be with (blotted out).  I want to rant about the injustices of the world.  I want to die.
I hate Valentine's Day.
I hate life.
I just want to call Rose.
I just want to talk to (blotted out).
I love you, (blotted out).
Goodbye.  Perhaps forever.
"To sleep... Perchance to Dream."
~Katie


Man was I a fucked up child.